Falling In, Falling Out
In 2022 I bought a house in Ensenada, Mexico because the math made sense. San Diego was impossible to afford. Baja was two hours south. I had spent years driving down for weekends, wine country, day trips, and a five-year situationship that never quite became a relationship. Buying a vacation house was a practical decision.
Then I met someone. The practical decision became a life decision. The vacation house became a home. The man at the convenience store became my husband.
Four years later I was sitting in a Mexican courthouse watching that marriage end in about five minutes, which is roughly how long it takes a Baja judge to dissolve a marriage when both parties are present. My cat had woken me up at 3am the night before. I didn’t sleep after that.
This is a series about all of it. The good years, which were genuinely good. The slow turn, which I missed because I wasn’t looking. The collapse, which I saw coming and couldn’t stop. And the part after, which is where I am now.
I’m writing it because I learned some things the expensive way that I wish I’d known going in. About cross-cultural relationships. About a particular kind of person — there’s a Spanish word, vivador, that I’ll explain in detail — and how to recognize them before you’re three years in and legally married. About what moving abroad actually does to you versus what you think it’s going to do. About my own patterns, which predate Mexico by decades and turn out to be the more interesting story.
You probably won’t listen. I didn’t. But it’s here when you’re ready.
My Type, Apparently
My dad was one. I married one. I dated two more before that. Then I learned a new category entirely and realized the problem wasn't just the romantic kind.
The Life I Left (Which Was Actually Pretty Good)
Before I tell you about Mexico, I should probably tell you about San Diego. Not because I was miserable there and needed to escape. The opposite. I had a genuinely full life and I walked away from it on purpose.
What Everyone Thought
When you tell people you're moving to Mexico and falling in love with someone you've known for three dates, the reactions come in flavors. Supportive. Skeptical. And the third kind, where someone clearly has thoughts they've decided not to share with you.